Food for thought
Educating ours kids for the world we want, not the one we are fed.
Living in a secular, westernised, first world country - we have freedom, we have choice and we have agency. But do our children? These privileges, that many take for granted but far more the world over are denied, are swept under the rug when children go to school.
Every country in the world, all 195 of them, vary in their legalities around home education for varying reasons that are largely political (if you’re curious to know more see here) but it is no coincidence that Australia, Canada, New Zealand, the UK and the US boast the most prevalent homeschooling movements. Where freedom of choice abound, so too will you find families electing to live their lives without school.
In these countries, one of which my own, no one holds a gun (metaphorical or literal) to our heads saying children need to be educated institutionally. Why these movements remain a minority in these nations therefore is not a matter of oppressive, government enforced control but, ironically, a lack of education, and awareness of the ability to make this choice at all.
Culturally, we feel collectively hamstrung to enrol our children in school.
We assume that’s the way it’s always been (which it has not - see here) and that’s just what everyone does (which they don’t - see here).
Societal, often invisible, peer pressure tells us to ignore that feeling in our gut, the trepidation almost every parent has the first time they separate from their child for an extended period. Most every mother, no matter her circumstances, will feel an upsurge of emotion when leaving a child in the care of strangers (whether it be daycare, kindergarten or school) for the first time. There is a biological reason we are primed to experience this trauma. It is our bodies way of saying ‘not yet, not now’ but how many of us heed the call? How many of us have talked ourselves out of this headspace, let our brains flood our hearts with all the coulds, shoulds and musts?
Our species craves attachment, and the bond between parent and child is the strongest of all for a reason. Our bodies know this and react in this way because fostering parental attachment really is the way it has always been. It is an innate, primal feeling to feel anguish when we outsource the care of our offspring and it is too often denied, repressed and chalked up to the fact that it is ‘normal’ to feel this way. This is just what needs to happen. This is the path, get on the trail, don’t stray from the track and all will be well. But will it really?
When we zoom out and apply the Overview Effect, is the world we live in now the best version of itself? Are all humans safe and have adequate access to water, food and shelter with good mental and physical health? Are wild animal populations thriving and living in harmony within their ecosystems? Is our planet, that beautiful blue and green marble floating in space that supports all life, endeavours and possibilities, flourishing and on a trajectory to maintain paradisiacal status for centuries to come?
I don’t know about you, but doomsday/everyday headlines scream at me whilst reading those questions that we are all well versed in answering rhetorically by now.
Having now zoomed out, allow me to zoom back in.
I don't want to live in a tech dominated world. I don’t want an artificial life.
Whether or not I have a choice on this matter is debatable, although most signs point despondently in the other direction. I'd much prefer to live my life in connection with real people, work with my hands each day in a variety of ways and occasionally pour my heart onto the page. I like using my body as it was designed, feeling my skin connect with those I love and experiencing plants, creatures and elements the natural world offers up abundantly with all five of my senses. I want to preserve what Mother Nature has gifted us, not be complicit in the invention of a contrived, one dimensional replacement.
My husband and I have chosen to educate our kids ‘old school’ (as in ooold school, before school came to dominate our lives), in real, tangible life skills, but with a non-coercive, deregulated, meaningful and modern approach. We are educating them naturally, better put they are educating themselves. We are merely providing the feast, the tools and the environment in which to do so. I am the conduit between them and the world, and I choose to take up the responsibility of shepherding those boundaries. There are things their young minds are not ready to know and plenty that is completely irrelevant, and it is for my wisened brain to filter the information they perceive and the way they receive it.
This is the true skill of the homeschooling parent in today’s society. It is not to know everything that every teacher does combined (because most of us are not teachers, but we are all parents), it is to become masterful scholars of the children in our care and how best to guide them into becoming the fullest expressions of themselves. No teacher, no school, no kind and well meaning other, knows our children better than we, their parents, do.
We never stop learning, in fact the more we learn the more we realise we know nothing and as such in our home we learn together, alongside one another. Top down, authoritative instruction for the sake of replicating the tried and outworn classroom structure feels contrived and archaic in a peaceful, connected home.
I am no expert and I make that very clear to my kids. I am unashamedly clueless about many things but eagerly curious to expand my own knowing. Even questions that arise (and there are many that a 5 and 3 year old concoct daily) that I feel confident in answering factually, I like to leave lingering in their minds with a “hmm, I wonder…”
I have no research to back me up on this parenting choice, only a knowing in my own body that sitting with a question for some time is good for our brains, young and old. It gives us space to wonder. In a world where we can know anything within seconds, to revel in the unknown is a luxury children should be given as a birthright.
Imagination and curiosity are stoked by unanswered questions but they are not forgotten. Where possible, we write down questions to come back to. If the setting suits we will seek out books that may hold the answer we are searching for. If we are in the presence of someone who has a keen interest in this area we may ask them the question and ponder together. We sit on, we think about, we hunt for clues, we talk about possibilities, knowing it is the journey of discovery that enriches the answer. All of this, before google.
Google as a last resort.
All knowledge will come when the time is ripe, and plenty when it is unexpected or uninvited. We do not need to know everything right now, right away. Let’s put our phones away and mull over the thoughts that arise, preferably outdoors with the sun on our cheeks and our feet on the earth. Let’s seek answers first where no one else can venture or holds the key to access. Our unique, internal spring of intuition and ideas flows freely if we give it space to breathe and room to roam.
I don't want to raise kids addicted to devices. Unable to be contently analog in what is becoming a predominantly digital world. Mostly, because I want them to know the joy of living a real, whole, connected life.
If we don't pass on the skills of our ancestors, those ways of being in the world which are slow and meaningful, full of delight, wonder and awe - who will? I don't want to see self-sufficiency skills disappear. I don't want disconnection to reign more than it already does.
We already have all the know-how to not just survive, but thrive. The answers to our biggest global threat are simple, they are humble, they have always existed. We’ve just been sidetracked and hijacked along the way, born into cultures of bigger, better, more - growth above all else. Swept up in the current of ‘normal’. Let’s not throw away the fundamentals of a good life in the sake of convenience, status and success, and most importantly let’s not educate them out of our children's lives.
We all want to raise resilient kids. It is the buzzword of a generation of parents staring down a historic youth mental health crisis. There is so much talk around this heightened topic; we hear echoes about toughening them up, getting them used to hard things now because it’s not getting any better, they have to learn to stand on their own two feet, let them fend for themselves.
This from swathes of parents who click buttons on their smart phones and have a stranger pick, pack and deliver their groceries from a chain supermarket in far too many plastic bags. This from a cohort of couples conditioned into both working full time jobs to pay the private school fees and their exorbitant mortgage that entitles them to live on a postage stamp block of unceded land without the time to take care of a pot plant, let alone a garden. This from the voices of parents whose children have nannies and iPads and schedules of extra-curricula activities that leave no time for free play and boredom and old fashioned fun. Are our children only lacking in resilience, because we are too?
If we want our kids to be resilient, then let’s show them (not just teach them) how to be in the world where they don't have to rely on outsourcing their every need.
Show them how to grow food from seed and share the abundance with their neighbours.
Show them how to save seeds.
Show them how to compost their waste and reuse, repurpose or recycle the rest.
Show them how to live gently and joyfully.
Show them what real food is and where it comes from.
Introduce them to all your local wild places and green spaces, better yet, discover them together.
Show them what it means to live in harmony with nature on a daily basis.
Show them how to mend what breaks. How to sew a simple skirt, patch a hole, adjust a hem.
Show them how to knit a scarf, or a dishcloth or a dolls blanket.
Show them how to make what they require, how to creatively make do with what they have at hand.
Show them how to cook, to bake and preserve.
Show them ways to entertain themselves with borrowed books, hand-me-down toys, musical instruments and natures craft cupboard.
Show them how to have a hell of a good time without having to spend money.
Show them how to live with less, how to define enough.
How to be content within themselves, in their own company.
How to communicate respectfully and find connection with people of all ages, races, religions and beliefs.
How to care for the young, the elderly, the ill and those less fortunate.
How to listen to their bodies, really listen and honour their needs.
Show them how to do something for nothing like volunteering and how to share all they know without expecting anything in return.
Show them how to make a house a home.
Show them how to be in and create community, both with those we choose and those we are given.
Show them the importance of play, rest, and the equal value of work for both financial and non-monetary gain.
Show them how to love without restraint or conditions.
Show them how to question everything the world will at some point expect of them.
Let's raise inter-dependent creatives over independent consumers.
That's the world I want my kids to grow up in.
That's the world we are constructing.
Everyone is welcome to join us.
What is your vision of the world you want your kids to grow up in?
Are your values and way of being in the world aligned?
What is holding you back from living the life you dream?
I’d love to continue this conversation with you in the comments below…
Thanks to
for her article which led to this train of thought. I highly recommend you take a read for yourself:
If this letter resonated with you, would you do me the sweetest pleasure of sharing my words? I know I am not the only one who feels these longings for a better way of being in the world. Connecting with others who share a similar vision brings me immense joy and satisfaction and I would love to find and connect with other kindred souls and visionaries.
Lastly, I appreciate that to some my views may seem extreme. They are but one woman’s raw thoughts and feelings set loose untethered. Know it is never my intention to offend any person. My grievances lie with the capitalistic systems which undermine us all, that keep us small, silent and stuck in the rat race. If you feel outraged having read my words, know that my slingshot is aimed way above your head and I send you only love for any rogue shrapnel.
Thank you for putting the fruits of your experience into words!
I have been educating my 6-year old daughter at home, first in Vanuatu (where she was born) and currently in the Daintree Rainforest (where her new little sister has just been born).
In April we will be travelling down to Victoria to live with family for 6 months, and are planning to divide our time between Melbourne and Mt Martha.
We would love to be part of a homeschooling community on the Mornington Peninsula! Please do link us in with any groups or activities you are part of. 🌞
Thanks so much for such a beautiful read! It resonates so deeply for me. I feel a constant pull to home school but unfortunately I stupidly bought a house that was too expensive and now it takes 2 salarys to keep it! Instead I did what I could I flexi school which means I can home school up to half the week. I currently only do this on a Wednesday and we always use the day to get out in nature and move our body....today was sledging! I feel all your words deeply and I hope one day I can home school my 5 and 8 year old full time. They would love it! ❤️